After featuring the five worst shows of Japanese TV last week, it’s only natural that we turn our attention this week to Japanese cinema—specifically, adult movies. Japan is the world leader in the production of these films.

The Daily Mainichi recently passed along a report that appeared in the weekly magazine Flash about the Bakademy Awards for Japanese adult videos. Bakademy is a combination of the Japanese word baka, which means stupid or dumb, and academy. Here is the roll call of this year’s honorees.

Best Movie: Nijuyon (24)
This is a parody of the Keifer Sutherland TV series of the same name. In the Japanese adult version, the crew has 24 hours to come up with an original blue movie. It also stars 24 actresses portraying some of the hectic activity that takes place over this 24-hour period.

Best Actor: Goo, a miniature Chihuahua
Goo is a butter dog, which means that on cue, he licks the melted butter that actresses pour over their bodies. Goo is not the first butter dog in Japan. He was preceded by Rasshie, which is how the Japanese pronounce Lassie. Rasshie’s name can be written using the characters for “nude”. Another predecessor was Rin Chin Chin. The characters used to write his name also can mean “gonorrhea infected penis.”

If you read Japanese and are interested in ordering Goo’s masterpiece, you can go to this site. Stay well away from this site, however, if you are younger than 18, do not have a few kinks, or do not have the proper scientific detachment (anthropologically or zoologically). The photo shown here is of the butter dog toy, which we provide for research purposes only.

Best Cinematography: “Kirei na Onesan no Waki (The Beauty’s Armpits)”
This feature-length movie consists entirely of shots of women’s armpits. The actresses wear costumes that include school uniforms, wedding dresses, and leotards. A quick look at some Japanese websites reveals there are men who really enjoy looking at sweaty underarms. Learn something new every day.

Best Documentary: “Demand no Tane (Seed of Demand)”
Actress Mai Sakashita inspired this film by asking the eternal question, “Can I make a rainbow if I pee outside while it’s sunny?” So the studio filmed Sakashita at different locations in an attempt to find out. They had to work around the Japanese law making it illegal to expose oneself in public. The accompanying photo is of Mai herself (for a different DVD release).

Honorary Bakademy Award (Lifetime Achievement?): Kazuo Matsushita, S&M director
Matsushita hit on the idea of torture films in which naked masochistic women are tied up and tickled. Worthy of special mention is Matsushita’s hit series, “Onna Spy Kusuguri Gomon (Female Spy Tickling Torture).” The accompanying photo is a scene from one of the films in the series. If you read Japanese and are interested in Matsushita’s career and videos, here is his official website. Matsushita says he is holding tryouts for the tickle videos and will audition amateurs. He also has a Male Spy Tickling Torture Series.

Here is Matsushita’s Japanese website.

Let’s see. . . Hollywood has the Oscars, Broadway has the Tonys. . . what can we call the Bakademy Awards?

I suggest using the character with the reading “Go” (Nelson’s 114, for those with the J-E character dictionary). It means “strong” and appears in compounds meaning “hardness and rigidity”. O’Neill’s Japanese Name Dictionary says it can be used alone for the man’s name Takeshi.

That’s it! The Takeshis! Any other ideas, JP?

Here is the link to the full article in the Daily Mainichi.