As Japan opened to the world outside and the world became more interested in Japan, the country had to come to terms with the impression they created when they thought no one was looking, particularly in the mass media. One commentator even wrote some years ago, “We have to be more careful what we write because more foreigners can read Japanese.” In the same way that Americans a century or more or ago thought their relative geographical isolation protected them from attack, the Japanese thought the difficulty of their written language prevented outside scrutiny.

This is a lesson that the Koreans have yet to learn, and nothing underscores this more than two newspaper articles in the Korean Times that are—unfortunately—unintentionally funny.

The headline of the first blares, “Roh’s Harsh Criticism Stuns Japan”. “Japan was in a state of shock after South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun lashed out at the country in an unprecedentedly harsh tone for attempting to justify its imperialist past.”

Well, President Roh did “lash out”, if that expression is applicable to boilerplate Korean bluster. Roh said he was going to risk a “diplomatic war” unless Japan earnestly repents for its past. (At least he didn’t threaten to turn Japan into a sea of fire, as the North Koreans did a few years ago.) Having nothing much new to complain about, he started with Takeshima/Dokto. “This (Takeshima Day) truly amounts to justifying its past invasion and negating the liberation of Korea,” said the president.

The Koreans are also upset about a textbook that a rightwing (in the Japanese sense) publisher is trying to get approved for use in the nation’s schools that whitewashes Japan’s actions in Korea during their 35-year annexation. Finally, they breathlessly reported, “Roh’s statement also made headlines in Japan’s media.”

Could have fooled me. The only article I saw in my daily paper was on page three. It was relatively short and had a normal headline. If this is “making headlines”, I wondered about their assertion that Japan was “stunned”, “in a state of shock”, and later, just “shocked”. Here is their description of the Japanese response:

Prime Minister Koizumi: “I believe we (the two countries) are unwavering in our commitment to developing friendship and cooperative relations in a future-oriented manner.”

Foreign Ministry spokesman Hatushisa Takashima: “It’s important to get rid of what is smoldering in (people’s) minds.”

A government spokesman: “There were a lot of emotional expressions. It’s like a North Korean statement.” (The closest thing to truth in the entire article.)

How did the Japanese report the statement? Were they in a state of shock? Here’s an article from the Kyodo news service. The headline reads, “Japan Keeps Silent on Roh Statement”. The first sentence: “Japanese officials on Wednesday refrained from making specific comments on South Korean President Roh Moo Hyun’s criticism of its positions on bilateral issues concerning history and a territorial dispute.” Perhaps they were stunned into silence.

The Korea Times outdid itself in a second article. This was headlined: “Asians Cooperate to Counter Japan’s Rising Militarism”. The first sentence reads: “Lawmakers from across Asia will inaugurate an association in an attempt to ward off ‘militarism poised to resurface in Japan,’ a ruling (Uri) party lawmaker said Wednesday.”

Sounds like a done deal, right? But this is the second sentence: “South Korean lawmakers expressed hope the association will include their counterparts from Japan as well as those from countries such as Russia, China, the Philippines, Indonesia, Singapore and Vietnam.” Well, give the guy credit for dreaming big.

Rep. Kang Chang-il stated, “We are concerned that a recent series of provocative acts from Japan might be a prelude to the revival of militarism.” Kang went on to say that the association for peace. . .will focus on international cooperation for investigating Japanese misdeeds before and during World War II. He added that he “expects” opposition Japanese politicians to take part.

Nowhere does the article state that anyone from another country, much less Japan, has actually said they’ll join the association—the Greater East Asia Japan-Bashing Sphere?—though they’ll probably find a few Chinese to go along. The association also will try to block Japan’s bid to join the UN Security Council, as well as the adoption of a new optional history textbook.

Give the Korea Times credit, however. They did inject some reality into their account, but you have to read to the end of the article to find it: “Only a fraction of schools - less than 0.1 percent - adopted the first edition of the Fusosha textbook in 2001, far less than the publisher’s target of 10 percent.”

After all the talk about the brainwashed Japanese youth and their failure to teach history, we finally find out that only 0.1% of the schools actually used the textbook they’re risking a diplomatic war about. Lest their readers be overly dismayed by the facts, the Times tried to buck them up: “But the publisher may be able to exploit the ongoing controversy to increase sales, analysts said.”

They should have kept going and talked about militarism while they were about it. For example: Reporting the worldwide ranking for military personnel by country.

1. China: 2,930,000
2. United States: 1,547,300
3. India: 1,457,800
4. North Korea: 1,120,000
5. South Korea: 600,000

Japan, where “militarism is poised to resurface” is not even in the top 15, with military forces that total 239,500. In every category surveyed, either China or one of the Koreas is in the top five. The only category in which Japan is in the top five is total military expenditures, coming in 5th. South Korea is 10th.

China has nuclear weapons. They provoked a military incident with the United States in 2001. They constantly threaten to use military force to incorporate Taiwan. South Korea has universal male conscription. They scrambled fighter aircraft to drive away reporters in a business jet taking pictures of the Takeshima/Dokto islets. North Korea is a de facto military dictatorship with nuclear weapons and a belligerent attitude. The average news broadcast in North Korea is delivered in a martial tone that sounds like George Orwell translated into Hangul.

But one of Japan’s smaller prefectures passes a bill calling for a memorial “Takeshima Day”, and 0.1% of Japan’s schools use a rightwing textbook, and militarism is “poised to resurface in Japan”?

No wonder the “Japanese Remain Silent on Roh Statement”. Laughing would be an inappropriate diplomatic response.