Help for that nagging constipation is here at last! According to Tokyomango, “if you wipe your shit with this stuff your bowel movements will improve. I don’t think there’s any science to it, but there is a little diagram pointing to the constipation pressure point on your hand.”
But in fact, there are other useful kinds of toilet paper available too: “The yellow roll facilitates pooping; the pink and green are more educational, teaching you has-been words (in Japanese they’re called “dead words,” words that used to be popular but aren’t anymore) and Chinese characters for different fish species, respectively.”
Fortunately, in addition to their famous (or infamous) Hello Kitty toilet paper rolls, Jbox also carries a full range of practical and educational Unchi ga Yokuderu toilet paper:
This cool roll of toilet paper is a unique book of knowledge at your fingertips in one of the most unique places you can put it — your bathroom. Enjoy looking over the great hints, tips, and general miscellaneous knowledge on a roll of TP, as you relax in the “private library.” Pictures, Japanese text and a smattering of funny English mix to give you messages like “Drink something cold soon after waking in the morning.” Great for encouraging excrement on the toilet. Also learn the names of Japanese items and food via pictures with vocabulary underneath them. Great fun, and a wacky gift for anyone who is constipated.
I’ve always wondered why there isn’t more writing, or even advertising, on toilet paper. We all use it, we all look at it, yet 99% of it is unused white space.
Perhaps as advertisers do not wish their product associated with crap….
I wonder why it doesn’t come with instructions AND liablity disclaimers.
“Place between your hand and your poo”
“Rub anus back and forth until it has the APPEARANCE of cleanliness, selecting clean sheet as occasion may indicate”
“Not a food-stuff”
“Not safe in the hands of minors”
(Sorry. hahahaha)